somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
