Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
