Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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