2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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