Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize