At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
