she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
