I'm lost and stupid without you.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
