When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
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I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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