I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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