the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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