A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She bit a glass in half.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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