I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
