Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You're like the curious george of whores
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
