i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize