Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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