WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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