found the other keg... it's in the tree
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
