Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
