Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
