Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
