im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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