I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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