i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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