I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize