What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
