So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
