Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize