naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
