guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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