your room smells of hookers.
And success
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
