I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
