dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
