so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
