Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
