You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
