16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
