I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
This house was built for laser tag.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
