If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
