Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Randomize
