im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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