high people should be assigned attendants
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
