the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
