id be glad to
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
