i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Houston, we have a squirter
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
