I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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