I love black thongs
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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