We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
