I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
