theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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