it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
