yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize