Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
