dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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