He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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