I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
