like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
