So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
