I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
