Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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