Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm both gender and math confused
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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