CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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