According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
