What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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