Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
