apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
