I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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