Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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