Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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