you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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