they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
