I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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