so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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