i just had sex bonerless
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
