The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He kissed a someone with a penis
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
