guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
