Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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