HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
