you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
