He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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