I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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