I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
