as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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