Fine. I'll sleep in my office
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
