wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
