he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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