Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
