I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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