1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
