shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
