I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
