jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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