Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
