he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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