he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
