hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
try to milk me bitch
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