Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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