dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
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